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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26147047">The Carpool Incident</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxoMouse/pseuds/xoxoMouse'>xoxoMouse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PJO Personal Canon (Solangelo Centric) [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Birthday, Cannonverse, Comedy, Crackfic?, Gen, HoO - Freeform, Listen I wrote this to be funny so quality is meh, Nico's birthday, PJO, PJOverse, Paul and Estelle's last names are Jackson fuck rick, Slice of Life, Surprise Party, ToA - Freeform, We're Having Fun, YES I TAGGED EVERYONE AND THE ONLY ONE WHO DOESNT HAVE AT LEAST ONE LINE IS KAYLA GET OFF MY DICK, carpool, cast roadtrip, there are...so many characters here</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:29:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26147047</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxoMouse/pseuds/xoxoMouse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Nico's 15th birthday! Let the celebration begin--once we find a way to get 19 different rowdy teens from Long Island to Manhattan without someone setting something on fire.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>PJO Personal Canon (Solangelo Centric) [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1884076</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Carpool Incident</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Writing this was SO FUN because it reminds me of when I used to write supernatural crack fics in middle school. This is *hopefully* better quality than that, though, lol. Hope you find some laughs in this one!! :3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jason was starting to think getting his driver’s license was a mistake. He and his friends had saved the world before—some of them multiple times; but nothing made it more glaringly obvious how chaotic they were than packing them all into the back of his Held-Together-By-Ductape  1998 Toyota Corolla.  </p><p>“Leo, <em>please</em> put on your seatbelt,” he pleaded. </p><p>Leo responded with an exaggerated groan. “We’re packed in like sardines back here!” He gestured wildly, almost hitting Frank in the face. “I think I’m sitting on it anyway.” </p><p>Piper snorted from the passenger seat. “Told you we should have put him in the trunk.” </p><p>“Oh, because we’d never hear the end of that, Pipes. Great idea.” He rolled his eyes. “Besides, you really want Hedge up here waving his bat?” </p><p>Piper shuddered. “You’re right. I think he’s eating all the cans you were supposed to recycle last week.” </p><p>A glance in the rearview mirror and Jason got a glimpse of Hazel fanning her face, head leaning out the window. </p><p>“Everything good back there, Haze?” </p><p>She shook her head. Frank took one look at her and his face paled, Big-Brother mode officially activated at the sight of her. </p><p>“Motion sickness,” he said, rifling through his emergency fanny pack for tylenol. “She’s going to puke, do you have any—” </p><p>There was retching from the back and Jason didn’t even need to look to know she’d sent the contents of her breakfast out the window and onto the blacktop of the highway. </p><p>Leo held her hair back and Frank leaned across his lap to hold her hand. Leo sighed, pinching his nose shut with his free hand. </p><p>“Trunk’s soundn’ kinda nice, not gonna lie.” </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>Percy was infinitely thankful that his mother’s van had a sunroof because Tyson just had a growth spurt. </p><p>“I could have <em> walked,” </em>Tyson said, obviously shifting and fidgeting in the passenger seat to try and make himself smaller. “Could have shadowed there with Mrs. O’leary.” </p><p>“It’s <em> January, </em>bro, fat chance. </p><p>He was also thankful there were three rows of seating—because he had seven other campers (and a hunter) in the back. Not to mention the hellhound loping after them. </p><p>“This better be the best birthday party Nico has ever had or I’m going to lose my marbles,” he said.  </p><p>Will Solace rolled his eyes from the front row, Percy could feel it. He liked Nico’s boyfriend but the kid had an attitude the size of a hellhound’s rear end. </p><p>“I’m pretty sure this is the <em> only </em>birthday party Nico has ever had,” he corrected.  </p><p>Clovis from the Hypnos cabin <em> and </em>his brother Austin were both sound asleep and drooling on him, but he did have a point. </p><p>Further back his sister Kayla was trading archery techniques with Thalia, Rachel quipping in with her ideas for painting Thalia’s quiver every once in a while. Something about the Hunter standard equipment being far too boring. (Percy was pretty sure she was just flirting.) </p><p>Grover and Annabeth were strewn across each other in the very back row, playing a complicated game of rock-paper-scissors Annabeth had created. </p><p>“Hydra beats Chimera!” She shouted. “I win!” </p><p>Grover huffed. “Hydra beats <em> everything—it's rigged!” </em> </p><p>“Not true! Riptide beats Hydra, Hydra beats Chimera, Chimera stings drakon, Drakon poisons hellhound, and hellhound beats Hydra. Sphinx beats everything.” </p><p>“Yeah, it bores them to death!” </p><p>Percy flicked on the turn signal and took a right. He definitely should have separated those two. The younger campers were well behaved enough but Grover and Annabeth cooped up for multiple hours in a backseat was a recipe for disaster he’d been stupid enough to let simmer. He wondered wistfully how Reyna was doing with getting Nico to their destination. She had the biggest challenge, after all, getting Nico there without letting him catch onto the surprise. </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>Reyna only took her eyes off the road for a second to spy on the newly fifteen-year-old sitting next to her.  </p><p>“What are you doing?” </p><p>“Pokemon Go.” </p><p><em> Complete gibberish. </em>She kept driving. </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>“How much vomit can that little body even hold?” Jason asked. He’d offered to stop the car a couple of times but she glared at him. It wasn’t a Lupa-certified stare, but it was unsettling enough even if she was still washed out with nausea.  </p><p>“Just. Drive.” </p><p>Jason didn’t need to be told twice. </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>“Uhhh, Percy?” Annabeth shouted from the back even though he could hear her perfectly fine. </p><p>“Hmm?” </p><p>“Sorry to break this to you but we’ve passed that olive tree five times already.” </p><p>She didn’t sound sorry. In fact, she and Grover looked like they were about to bust out into a fit of laughter.  </p><p>His grip tightened on the steering wheel. They were right—that was the tree that had a knot that looked like Danny DeVito’s face. The one he’d pointed out an hour ago. </p><p>“And you didn’t tell me this until <em> now?” </em>he asked calmly. “None of you? You talk to plants, you’re horny for olives.” He looked pointedly at Thalia, “and you live in the woods.”  </p><p>Thalia’s face turned red. “I don’t backseat drive.”  </p><p>Sure, more like she was too focused on the pretty girl sitting next to her to notice where they were at all, he thought. </p><p>“Hey, hey, hey,” Annabeth interjected “Don’t blame this on us. You’re driving. Pick a direction.” </p><p>“A direction?” </p><p>“A direction!” </p><p>Grover snorted. “Yeah man, whatever you decide.” </p><p>Will solace groaned, letting his head fall dramatically against his headrest. “We’re lost in the woods!” </p><p>His shout woke up the other two boys.  </p><p>“Lost?” Austin asked. Clovis blinked rapidly. </p><p>“Yeah,” Kayla’s voice wavered. “Weren’t we supposed to be following Jason?” </p><p>Percy huffed. “Like I’d trust <em> him </em>to lead us there. He’d take the longest route with zero shortcuts.” </p><p>Annabeth barked a laugh. “Did you just get us lost over trying to race Jason to your mom’s house?” </p><p>“Well it sounds stupid when you say it like that,” Percy mumbled. </p><p>Tyson rolled his eyes. Apparently his growth spurt had come with teenage angst. “Because it <em>is </em>stupid!<em> Just Drive</em>.” <br/> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>Piper licked the cheeto dust off her fingers. “Hey,” she said. “Weren’t the others supposed to be behind us?”  </p><p>Jason checked his rearview mirror and noticed for the first time that Sally’s van wasn’t following them. He sighed deeply (not for the first time). “I knew Thalia should have driven.” </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>“We’re gonna fucking die!” Clovis wailed. </p><p>“Woah, woah, woah,” Grover said. “Who taught him that?” </p><p>Will (almost) unnoticeably sank lower into his seat. “Austin,” he squeaked, “I think we could use some tunes if you will.”  </p><p>Thalia reached up and gripped both of the sons of Apollo by their shoulders. “Boys, boys. I am merely tolerating your presence in this car. Do. Not. Push it.” </p><p>Percy wanted to bang his head against the steering wheel but resigned himself to searching for an exit back onto the highway. Pretty soon they were going to have bigger problems than Clovis cursing or Austin’s sax—the van was almost out of gas. </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>Jason had almost forgotten they’d packed Hedge into the trunk until he heard the loud dull banging that sounded exactly like what he would expect a baseball bat hitting the lid of his trunk to sound like.  </p><p>He pulled off to the side of the road immediately and Hedge almost socked him in the nose when he let them out.  </p><p>“You’re out of snacks, Grace. I’m getting sick of it back there. I tag out.” </p><p>“Tag out?” </p><p>“Yeah, tag out. It means it’s someone else’s turn to—Grace, what in Pan’s great Wilderness are you doing?” </p><p>Jason was already ripping open Frank’s door and tossing him the keys. “Follow the GPS, don’t crash my car, let me out when we get there.” </p><p>He closed himself into the trunk faster than a swarm of angry grain spirits and took his first real breath in four hours. Reyna must be going nuts trying to keep Nico reigned in if this was what he was dealing with. </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>Nico’s feet were propped up on the dashboard; his scuffed, ductaped boot on full display. She reached over and swatted his ankle.  </p><p>“Ow!” </p><p>“Don’t you have any manners? Keep your dirty shoes off my dash.” </p><p>He rubbed the sting out of this ankle. “Sorry.”  </p><p>It took no time at all to whip his phone back out and continue with his pokemans game. “Where are we going, anyway?” He asked. </p><p>A cold sweat ran down her spine. “Walmart.” </p><p> </p><p>***   </p><p> </p><p>Just as Percy feared, his van was stuttering to a stop in the middle of a steadily darkening forest road. He groaned, forehead hitting the steering wheel. “That’s it,” he said. “I give up. We’re lost, we’re going to miss the party and I can’t fix this.” </p><p>Tyson got out of the car without a word, walking steadily behind the van to scratch Mrs. O’Leary under the chin. He whispered something into her ear and she almost nodded in response.  </p><p>When he folded himself back into the van he thumped Percy happily on the back. “All fixed. Hold on tight!” </p><p>Percy only had time to raise his eyebrows before Mrs. O’Leary picked up the tail end of the van in her mouth, lifting them off of the ground and tilting everyone and everything in the van forward. There wasn’t even time to object before they were slipping into the shadows. </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>As they pulled a bunch of random tote bags out of Reyna’s trunk and began walking down up to an apartment building, Nico was beginning to suspect that they were <em> not, </em>in fact, going to Walmart. He was fine with that, he was just happy to be out of camp for a couple of hours—but the thing was: he recognized the building they were going into. </p><p>He was silent but skeptical as they rode the elevator up to the eighth floor and walked through a familiar hallway.  </p><p>Reyna knocked on the door and they were met with the smiling face of Sally Jackson. She pulled the two of them into a deep hug. She was warm, her sweater was soft and her usual perfume was overlaid by the scent of baby powder. She was one of the few people who got to hug him and one of even fewer who he actually hugged back. </p><p>“Happy birthday, Sweetie!” She was ushering them through the door and trying (failing) to pat down his messy hair. He didn’t even bother pretending not to like it. “You didn’t think we’d let you turn fifteen alone, did you?” </p><p>“Oh, yeah, that. I kind of for—<em>woah.</em>” </p><p>There were at least eight people packed into the small living room, strewn on the couches and sitting on the floor.  </p><p>“Hey, guys?” </p><p>All their faces lit up and suddenly the room was aflurry with shouts and well-wishes. </p><p><em> “Happy Birthday!” </em> </p><p><em> “Look who survived another year!” </em> </p><p><em> “You’re getting so tall!” </em> </p><p><em> “Don’t lie to him!” </em> </p><p>“Hey!” Paul said overtop of them all. He held a baby in his arms. “Quiet down, you’ll suffocate the  boy.” </p><p>Nico’s eyes lit up and he made a beeline for the baby. “Is this Estelle? Mr. Jackson, she’s beautiful.” </p><p>Paul smiled down at his daughter. “Yeah, she is.” The baby peered up at Nico with wide brown eyes and cooed. “Do you want to hold her?” </p><p>“Of course!” </p><p>Nico took the little bundle gently from her father and she smiled at him with her toothless little mouth. She giggled, reaching for his hair and tugging. He grinned and she just giggled more. Apparently she hadn’t gotten the memo that his smile was supposed to be unnerving. </p><p>“Oh, aren’t you precious?” He asked her. He pried her surprisingly strong fingers away from his earlobe and she wrapped them around his skull ring instead. Her little fingernails were so <em> tiny.  </em> </p><p>He looked up to a sea of shocked faces. “What?” He asked defensively. “You guys act like you’ve never seen a smile before.” </p><p>Leo almost said something but Hazel jabbed him in the ribs before he got the chance. “I want to hold the baby when he’s done,” she shouted and everyone groaned because they’d have to wait in line to do that, too. </p><p>Sally made a dissatisfied noise. “Now where is my other child?” She checked the watch on her wrist. “He was supposed to be here on the half an hour ago.” </p><p>“Percy’s coming too?” Nico asked. The place was already packed.  </p><p>Jason scoffed. “Yeah, with half of the guests.” </p><p>“And the cake,” Piper stressed. </p><p>Before he could even imagine any more people packed into the room there was a commotion in the hallway—and he could have sworn he heard a <em> bark.  </em> </p><p>Percy led the group inside the apartment without knocking and started apologizing to his mom immediately. “Sorry I’m late, Mama, and sorry about—” </p><p><em> WOOF.  </em> </p><p>Mrs. O’Leary was the last one in. She barely fit through the door and her tail was thumping loudly against the floor as it wagged. </p><p>“She wouldn’t wait outside,” Percy explained. </p><p>For just a moment her face pinched up in worry but with a sigh of acceptance, she shrugged. “Not a problem. But <em> you’re </em> walking her every hour—she is <em> not </em>using the potty on my carpet.” </p><p> </p><p>***  </p><p> </p><p>He was sat on the floor in front of the coffee table, a sheet cake big enough for twenty-four people in front of him. There were even large wax candles in the center of it, a one and a five (and approximately eighty smaller ones) sticking up from the sea of blue frosting.  </p><p>Thalia winked at him when she brought the boxes out of her pocket and started sticking them into the cake. “It’s a hunter thing.” </p><p>He grinned. His face was going to be so sore when he went to bed tonight. It was a cool idea though, he wished he’d have thought of it last month when they’d had Hazel’s birthday. </p><p>Everyone he loved was crammed in around him. It was bitingly cold outside but they were all together and warm in the little apartment; all of them were smiling and singing ‘Happy Birthday’ off-key to him.  </p><p>When they finished Stella wiggled in his lap and clapped her hands clumsily. He blew out the candles over her head and swiped a dollop of blue frosting across her nose. Paul and Percy swept in and began to pluck out the many, many candles and Reyna sliced up the cake in the spots they had already gotten clean. </p><p> Will stood behind Nico and messed up what semblance of order Sally had coaxed his hair into. “What did you wish for?” </p><p>Hedge gasped. “Do <em> not </em>tell him!” He shouted. “Divulging birthday wishes is like showing your playbook to a rival team! It ruins the whole season!” </p><p>Will laughed but Frank tutted, chiming in. “He’s right, it’s bad luck.” </p><p>Nico rolled his eyes, hoping it would offset his smile (he had a <em> reputation </em>to uphold, after all.) </p><p>“Whatever,” Will said. “I’ll get Rachel to tell me later.” </p><p>Rachel scowled over her shoulder at him. “That is <em> not </em>how the Oracle works, Solace.” </p><p>Nico laughed. Will and everyone else would have to live with the mystery because even if the Oracle <em> did </em>work like that, he hadn’t wished for anything.  </p><p>What else could he possibly want? </p>
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